I’ve been reading this book, Women, Food and God, by Geneen Roth and I am finding it rather compelling. Geneen Roth has stated that she has lost and gained 1,000 lbs in her life. Whoa, right? But if you’re like me, I’ve probably gained and lost the same 30lbs over and over again. I’m on top of the world, then down in the valley. I truly envy anyone who consistently stays at a great weight and just doesn’t give it any energy. Me? Not so lucky. However, the good part for me about this book, is that I am finding out what I’m not. Well, you know, sometimes you have to find out what you’re not, to then find out who or what you are. So, I’m not a compulsive eater, a closet eater, a stuffer, a binger or a puker. Hooray, right? Well, but then what is it? Why is this such a piece of emotional baggage that has to hang around like a bad house guest.
From the time I was in the third grade, I looked around and the cupcakes on my butt, were, let’s just say, a little bigger than everyone else’s. I played sports…swam on the swim team, played soccer and tennis, rode my bike, a pretty average kid. I don’t remember hiding ding dongs in my bed or anything like that, but genetically, I was just a pudge. I leaned out somewhere around my senior year of high school. Yes, it pretty much did suck, thanks for the “oh my”, it was a long damn time of feeling like the pilsbury dough kid. As an adult, I’ve swung the pendulum, like we do, freshman 15, starvation in your twenties, post-baby, now 40. Shit, it’s like it just never freakin ends, Menopause, I see you lurking around the corner and frankly, you can fuck off.
With all that being said, I’ve been looking into the emotional part of it all, which is what Geneen is really writing about, what makes us obsess about our bodies. I don’t know the answer to this, is it the media? Our peers? Our parents, perhaps? Boyfriends, spouses, husbands, partners? I frankly don’t know. It may all be in our minds and then in turn our bodies, perhaps our hearts. I know for me, I am a very social person. I associate food & cocktails with being social. I lack the moderation trigger in my mind, but after a series of unfortunate events, my moderation key is turning into the “like” button from Facebook. I just press Like in my mind and somehow I can rationalize being moderate and not feel any amount of deprivation. Maybe that is what it all boils down to-if we could just like ourselves-we wouldn’t feel the need to compare our bodies to Victoria Secret models-cause that’s a total blast. Or we wouldn’t feel the need to long for plastic surgery, we’d just settle into the fact, that we like ourselves, whether that is in a size 2 or 14 body. I can guarantee, there is no amount of plastic surgery that will fill your heart or mend your soul. A walk in the park, a chat with a good friend, picking the apple over the Cheetos-yes, all these things will work so much better. And like I always say, no matter what size you are, shoes are a girls best friend!
Anyway, I’ve found this book to be an amazing read, and if you are looking to heal a path in your life or simply find out, what you’re not, I’d suggest grabbing a copy. It’s opened up an interesting dialogue in my head. And plus or minus 30 lbs, I have great teeth and a pretty good personality. And really, Playboy isn’t calling me for photo shoots. So here begins my journey of liking me and accepting me regardless of the pressure to be Victoria Secret thin. And most importantly to quiet the voice inside my head that says you’re not good enough if you aren’t all things to all people. I choose me, a healthy, energetic, and magnanimous me.