If I stepped into a boxing ring with me right now, it would be a hands down, no contest, knockout of epic proportions. I don’t even need an opponent-I am the contender in my own battle.
Goes to corner, wipes brow, swigs water and breathes.
I have said this numerous times before, but I am always fascinated with the people that get placed in your path. AND, it is always the person that you least expect…case in point…you know when you walk into a party and you scan a room and you naturally gravitate to the person the ‘looks’ like they would fit right into your life, into your circle, into your belief system and then 9 times out of 10, you feel like you are talking to yourself, which is really no fun, because you already know YOU all too well, and well, frankly, you are a little sick of you. So then, while you are standing there, nonchalantly, trying not to look like you are standing there by yourself, the person that you scanned right over, you know the one that provided zero recognition for you, is the one the strikes up the most fascinating conversation that you have had in months? Yeah, that, well that ‘might’ have happened to me too. And once again, I am humbled by the place that I need to expand, that I need to grow, that I need to show up with the confidence in myself to know that everyone has a cool story. That judgement is limiting in all forms.
In the midst of life’s challenges, the ever-changing landscape of one’s life, I realize that the little nuggets you get from the most random places are sometimes as powerful as someone writing the answers on a billboard. If you really stop and listen, if you are really, truly open, if you have no expectation and no attachment. I know for me, it’s when I show up in my highest self. I was told this weekend from a total stranger, that my mind moves way to fast, that if I’m faced with a decision of too many choices-I will never choose, that I want to keep growing, expanding, meeting people, learning and gathering knowledge. With one eyebrow up and a smirk on my face, I said, “You’re right” And how do you know this information? She also asked me if the number 3 or 11 was significant to me? Why yes, as a matter of fact, it is. A myriad of things come to me in the number 3 or the number 11, my address, my birthday, my phone number, my name-do you ever find yourself counting numbers? I do it all the time and I have no understanding of why. When someone gives me their address, I automatically add it up in my head. Same with birthdays or phone numbers. Well, being that of a mystic, I find these things fascinating. I can’t give you a 100% certified answer to what it all means, but the summation of the conversation, was that the number 3 is growth. It is expansion. It is a constant hunger for knowledge. This is my life path, whether I choose it or not. The number 11 is a master number, attached to light-bearing and spirituality and a connection to being on the exact right path.
All that to say, it isn’t about beating yourself to shit on a daily basis, it is however, showing up with no attachment to the outcome, having no expectation but letting yourself be wonderfully surprized with what presents itself. Sometimes I want it all planned out, I want to know the answers, I want to “live” the plan, but really I think I just want to find inside myself the security, the trust, the stability of living into the answers, whatever they may be and trusting that the universe has my back, that maybe the least likely of all my imagination, will be the biggest gift I’ve ever received. My mind may never be still, but that’s ok, I can learn to live there, to use that for good, to continue to grow and meet cool people and be open to all the experiences that are presented to me and listen, really listen and live into the answers without knocking myself out in the process.
It’s 4-02-2012. That equals 11.