Monthly Archives: October 2011

Bloom, dammit!

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Do you ever stop, look in the mirror and say, “hey, how did we get here, where are we going and how long is it going to take?”  Wait, how long?

Sometimes, I think the mirror is where all the answers lie, but when mirror mirror on the wall isn’t spitting out all the answers, where do you turn? Do you go straight into the God within you?  Do you look for teachers, shamans, gurus? Do you nose dive into the top ten best-selling self help books? Or do you just sit in the stillness and wait?

I walk through life with a smile on my face, per the Gallop Poll Strengthfinder 2.0 book, I am extremely positive-it’s one of my top 5 traits, I’m socialable, loving, generous, and generally a pretty bright light.  I think I walk the path of normalcy with trying to improve myself daily, trying to keep evolving, to keep looking inward for the status check.  I have a slight perfectionist streak-wait, maybe I don’t, maybe I just have high expectations, for myself and for how I want it all to be. I’ve balked at being called image conscious-but it is also affirmed that my “southern-ness” shows up from time to time.  I have the vision for how I want it all to look, I’ve drawn the picture, I’ve written the story a dozen times, I’ve dreamed it, I’ve photographed it in my mind. I’ve set my idea of what is positive and what is negative and what falls into the abyss.  So in thinking of all that, maybe I have it all wrong.  Maybe what is deemed in my mind as negative, is actually exactly what I need in this moment to keep growing and learning and evolving.  And maybe what I’ve dreampt of being ‘perfect’ is actually not what I need at all and will totally impede my growth.  Aha, perception-it’s a wicked little monster.  It twists and turns, it strokes you and spits you out all in the same breath.  It  can elevate to a place of euphoria and dwell in a place of self-doubt.

It’s been said about me, that no matter how long I stand over a flower and scream bloom, its still going to bloom in its’ own sweet time.  You can water it, you can fertilize it, you can talk to it sweetly and gently, but that flower is still going to only bloom when its damn good and ready.  And then just when you have let go of that flower ever blooming, you wake up, and to your amazement, there it is, the most beautiful, brilliantly colored, perfectly shaped blossom.  The sun shines, it glistens, it almost sings. But you begin to realize, it didn’t get there by being forced, it got there because it was ready. The bloom may stay there for awhile and look brilliant, but then inevitably, the petals start to fall off, and all that is left is the seeds and the base of leaves. It doesn’t catch your eye the way it does in full bloom, but perhaps, you see a different view, a sight just as brilliant in the phase of  preparing for the next cycle, the next bloom, the next spectacular rebirth. And again, you wait.

In our dormant state and in our full bloom, we are equally as beautiful, in the exact right place at the exact right time.  We feed ourselves, water ourselves, talk to ourselves kindly and gently-and however that may look, whether it is in the mirror or through resources, we will continue to bloom over and over again-whole, perfect and complete.

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