I’m an avid movie watcher, I love the cinema, film, the fantasy, the adventure, the romance, the reality….I think I come by this naturally, my Dad, he’s the same way!  However, since I’ve become a Mom, I don’t get to as many movies as I’d like, but I’m catching up through HBO, etc….last night I had the privilege and I do emphasize privilege of watching Milk.  I realize I’m a solid year behind the Oscar-winning performance by Sean Penn, but everything in divine order, correct?

His life changed history. His courage changed lives.

1972: Harvey Milk sets out to make a  significant difference in the world on his 40th birthday by not only moving across the country, but truly emerging into his authentic self.  He leaves New York City and the closet and heads to San Francisco, opens a camera shop in the Castro that becomes the salon for San Francisco’s growing gay community, and where he organizes gays’ purchasing power to build political alliances. Through several elections and losses both for a city seat and a state assembly seat, Milk becomes the first openly gay man in the United States to be elected to political office when he wins a San Francisco supervisor seat in 1977.  Milk was assassinated somewhere around his 48th birthday.  White, the shooter, serves 5 years……5 years (?), is released and commits suicide.

It is 2009, fast approaching 2010, roughly 30 years after Milk fought and protested against Prop 6-California Proposition 6 was an initiative on the California State ballot on November 7, 1978, and was more commonly known as The Briggs Initiative. Sponsored by John Briggs, a conservative state legislator from Orange County, the failed initiative would have banned gays and lesbians, and possibly anyone who supported gay rights, from working in California’s public schools.

Is this as perplexing to you as it is to me?  I went to elementary, middle school and high school in Spring, Texas in the 80’s…there were gay students, gay teachers and quite possibly gay parents, although, I can tell you, I’m not sure who all of them were, because, we didn’t make them wear t-shirts or nametags.  We respected them as educators, mentors, community members…..friends.

As I sit here today, 40 years old, fast approaching 2010, I’m in awe about what was happening in the 70’s in a liberal state like California, I had no idea.  But here is where I’m more in awe…why is this STILL happening?  Why can’t we, as a nation, understand that we ALL are entitled to civil rights?  That love see’s no color, no race, no gender, that people are inherently good until proven otherwise, this is what our judicial system believes, why can’t we span this across the whole tapestry of the human race?  Why does it have to be a segmented world?

We have spanned so much history, although the process of acceptance seems a little slow for my liking.  We elected the first black President in 2008, women were on the presidential ballot, gay men and women were elected state, city and county officials, why?  Why, because they have proven, just like everyone else, to be the best person for the job!  This election had Prop 8-that passed-stating that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.  Now, I’ve never claimed to be hugely political, but here’s what I know to be true, if there is “common law” marriage between a man and a woman who won’t commit to the act of marriage before their God and their witnesses, for whatever reason, they still receive full legal rights as a “married” couple.  Then why is it, that if two people of the same-sex, are devoted, committed and steadfast in their belief of marriage, we won’t allow that to happen?  I need a better reason than, “Proponents of the constitutional amendment argued that exclusively heterosexual marriage was “an essential institution of society,” that leaving the constitution unchanged would “result in public schools teaching our kids that gay marriage is okay,” and that gay people would “redefine marriage for everyone else.”

Hallelujah, I can think of a few marriages that I would love to see redefined!

I am teaching my kid, that ALL marriage is okay, if there is love, honor and commitment, then you have my blessing.  I am teaching my child to have conviction for what is right and wrong.  Love and commitment has never been wrong to me.  I am teaching my child to open his mind and arms and to hold close what is important, to love people for who they are, to embrace their differences, their cultures, their beliefs.  Because, that unifies us as one.  That is a tapestry that I want to see woven before I have grandchildren.  Because, who knows? I could have a son, nieces and nephews, grandchildren, that may say to me, I’m gay.  And you know what I will say to them?  I love you and I support you.

We need to continue the teaching, all it comes down to is understanding, the understanding that we all will find our beloved, whether it is a man, a woman, a mountain or a tree….and we all deserve to be free in that choice.  We all deserve to have the same rights, and I challenge you today, To be the change you wish to see in the world!

Divinely we are one.

It’s been almost 4 years since I started searching.  The task wasn’t easy, rather daunting actually, because, I didn’t know what I was searching for; you think trying to find a needle in a haystack is hard? Try looking for something when you don’t know what it embodies, if it’s tangible or even exists.

The first year, I looked to the earth, in all its wonder.  I looked from the mountain tops, from the beautiful snow-capped mountain tops that made me feel like I could touch God with my hands.  I flew down in freedom, releasing the 100 lbs of bricks that I was carrying, with every swish, they would fall off, one by one.  Through the snow covered trees in and out like a maze, wind in my face and sun on my shoulders…it felt like nothing could stop me.  I didn’t find it in the mountains, but it spurred the journey.

As the snow melted, I yearned for the same feeling, so I pounded out the search in other physical directions, Tae Bo, Nia, tennis, running, anything that would let me release it all.  And you know it wasn’t there either, but I was stronger, faster and ready to keep on with my search…my quest….my knowing, that there had to something out there, and I was going to find it.

Sometimes you have to stop looking outwardly and start looking inwardly.  This was my next quest.  But I wasn’t so good at this, I looked in, saw nothing and gave up.  I looked outwardly again, trying to maybe see what others saw, trying to comprehend what was on display and taking cues from expression.  As disappointing as it seems, when you have nothing to give, nothing comes back to you either.  But I knew it was out there, it had to be, just had to be!

Although, I was convinced that my gem, my discovery, my search was going to be fruitful, I grew weary of swimming up stream.  I began to convince myself that I wasn’t going to find what I was looking for and for that, I was deeply saddened.  I had given up the quest and resigned myself to blend into the world.  It didn’t seem as though others were troubled by this, maybe it was true that I was making it too hard.  That I was looking for something that didn’t exist.  If it was blue, I was blue.  If the world was flat, then who was I to argue?  But after time, I realized, that is not authentic, that is not me, that is not what all the conviction that burns in my belly was to be used for, there needed to be people like me in this world.  People that will swim up stream, people that will shoot from the hip-whether that evokes a laugh or a tear.  People that will go out into the world with a voice and a gift and invoke dancing souls.

And so the calendar turned again….and oddly enough, this journey started in September 2006 and gave way to beautiful discovery in September 2009.  There must be something about September.  Here’s the good news…I found it.  Yes, I found it, I found what I had been searching for consciously for the past 4 years, subconsciously maybe for 40.  Oh right, you are dying to know what it is; it’s red, massively expansive, it gushes and it breaks, but you know what….it keeps growing, and it keeps filling up, and somedays, it feels like it might burst.  It is tangible, it exists and it embodies all things wonderful -love, laughter, light, energy, passion, forgiveness, happiness, sensuality, it truly is endless what it embodies.  And the best part about it is, it’s mine, I can keep it to myself, I can give it away freely, I can put it into the world as a beacon of light.  I searched the world for what I had all along…..a beautiful heart.  Funny thing is, I didn’t find it….someone brought it to me and said, you may have lost this along the way and by their beautiful expression, I knew I had it back for good.

The journey just keeps happening, everyday, thank God.  And here is what I have found, I LOVE the journey; you don’t know when it will twist and turn, when it will delight your senses and kiss your existence, you don’t know who comes along for the ride and how long they will stay.  The journey, it keeps coming and you know what I say?  I say, bring it on!

Jax says some funny stuff….if you are around him for any length of time, you would know and you would laugh.  He makes my eyes sparkle, and he relaxes my smile and he gives me a peaceful heart.  I love him for his quick ass wit, his compassion for people, his willingness to explore and adventure and most of all how he engages in conversation.

He had mentioned to me last week, as I was sitting at a table with some friends, Mama, how come you are so fun around other people and when you’re just with me, you’re always ‘thinking’.  Which, did get me thinking.  I want him to know how much I enjoy him and his company, sometimes my fun is too adult for him…but I need to get on the level with him so he knows that he is such a huge piece of me.  I mean, really a huge piece of me.  He has no idea that it is like looking in a mirror not only physically but straight into his soul.

That night, he did something, that really will forever be etched in my heart.  As I was sitting chatting with friends, he went with my Mom to a store and bought, with his own money, a silver heart that says, ‘Peaceful Heart”.  Mine melted.  This kid, holy shit, this kid….he is something else.  He is my hope and my future, he is my love and my heart.  He makes me softer and kinder and full of amazing energy-I just hope he knows how much.

And so in my quest to be more fun, I drove him to school today with a pink wig on and a tutu!  I don’t think that was what he meant….but hey you take what you can get!

I love you kid.

My last post about Julia Child and her quest for something to do, inspired me in a way I didn’t imagine.  I was feeling like I had to start over….but then, I went to Palo Alto with Chicks and fell in love with my project all over again.  I am a people person, I like to be around people-they inspire me.  All kinds of people…whether it is brilliant women, amusing kids, men that I can connect with and share a laugh-as well as writers, speakers, artists, musicians, etc.  But I have realized that I love people-people with good energy, creative minds, warm hearts and amusing spirits.  I try everyday to embody that package.

So in becoming re-inspired-I saw it with my own two eyes.  I was interviewed in Palo Alto about Chicks and I saw the twinkle in my eye and the passion that oozed out of me when I was speaking about what I am trying to create and truly I was surprised by what I saw. I inspired myself.  Yes!  You can see for yourself here. I was also completely inspired by women who are highly educated, creative, have a quest for knowledge, a heart to share what they know and a humble spirit.  Truly awe-inspiring.

When you walk like a duck, talk like a duck, you’re a duck!  Meaning, I believe in myself, I believe in what I am doing, I believe that the ultimate reward is all the amazing people that have been placed in my path, this journey…is inspiring! Once I reengaged both mentally and emotionally in Chicks, the doors swung wide open.  I have met the most incredible people in the past month.  And you know, it’s funny, it’s people “with good energy, creative minds, warm hearts and amusing spirits.”  Sometimes you are a magnet for what you want in your life.  I’ve had a rough couple of years, but I wake up everyday and say to myself, “you are blessed, you are loved, smile and get out in this world and be a light”.  Beats the hell out of the rat hole you can let yourself crawl down.

Be inspired, be the inspiration, find what inspires you and dig deep to see how you can inspire people to be the best they can be, and to see themselves in the same beautiful light you see them.

I went to see the movie Julie & Julia last night, which was good fun, but also spurred me on to start blogging again.  The character Julie spends a year blogging and cooking her way through the Julia Childs cookbook.  She achieves a personal level of success at the end, because she actually completes a project-this-I-identify with completely!

I have spent the last year working on Chicks who Click, a social media conference for women.  It was launched in Boulder in January, had a great turnout, feedback and lots of encouragement to take the “show on the road” as they say.  So with some turnabout, reorganization, etc…the show has gone to Kansas City, Vancouver and now we are heading to San Jose this weekend.  Unfortunately, with the economy or lack of interest of women in social media, I’m afraid this show is going to be sidelined.  It’s been a terrific project and the traction has been fabulous.  I have been asked to contribute to a book, been interviewed for several blogs, articles and the like, but I’m afraid Chicks who Click will probably be nesting for the rest of 2009.

Which brings me to a blank slate.  This is the transition period that I always hate the most.  I feel like I just keep recreating myself which in some people’s minds is fantastic, but for me, it weighs me down a bit.  I’m glad I have the financial means to get to replenish the canvas of my life every 9-12 months, but I want to keep driving for a the same goal, I just don’t know what that goal is, except to have something to do, do it well, make an impact..I know, seems easy enough.

Much like Julia Child in real life and the movie, she started cooking to “have something to do”—who knows, maybe I will end up being a celebrity of some sort as I search through life for my “something to do”!

Featured on Newsonwomen.com

Social Media a Passion for Denise Smith

The importance of social media just keeps growing.  Denise Smith is passionate about the topic. Denise is the founder of Chicks who Click, a social media conference for women, as well as the woman responsible for launching the Event Practice at Metzger Associates in Boulder, CO.  Denise has been a force in the events industry for 15 years. Here’s what Denise has to say about her venture:

“Chicks who Click, was launched in Boulder, Colorado in January 2009.  This conference was created by women for women who are achieving new heights in social media; to connect with like-minded women and stay connected through social media.  We wanted to create a conference that encouraged the conversation, to bring women together in all fields to talk about how they were using social media if different practice areas.  Chicks has been a great forum to connect these women to create, connect and collaborate in this space.  We are combining local and national speakers across the country who are educating and encouraging women in social media.

When launching Chicks, I knew I could combine my personality traits to create something fantastic, I had the passion, vision, and the energy!  I am passionate about social media and how it is impacting communication, I am a connector of people, I love the community of women it has inspired and the conversation it has created.  I built the structure, but it would not be standing without the amazing women it houses.”

When asked about getting ahead, Denise had this to say:

“I think if you are trying to get ahead in your field, any field, read, absorb, listen, be part of the conversation and your community.  Join a group of like-minded women to know what is happening and stay as connected as possible.  Don’t be afraid to take some chances, you might fail, but you just never know when you will succeed!”

I heard something this morning and it stuck.  The pastor of the church I attended today was talking about Triple A relationships.  He used this in somewhat of a different context, but it did make me think about the relationships in my life and if they were Triple A?  The Triple A is Authentic, Affirming and Available.

I have a lot of acquaintances, a handful of great friends and one or two best friends.  But this is an interesting question to pose, when thinking about the relationships in your life.  And at certain passes in your life, do you evaluate these relationships?  I always think people will be in my life forever.  I hate things to end.  I hate things to change.  But you know what?  They do.  And every time they do, I am extremely disappointed.  I try to enter every relationship by being completely authentic, affirming my friends that they are the best and being available-emotionally, mentally, and physically available to make the most of these relationships.

I just wish everyone went into friendships, partnerships, and relationships with this in mind.  But I’m not that naive to know, that some people aren’t authentic, will never affirm you and will never make themselves available.  Such is life, I guess.  But from now on, I will start to have much more of a keen eye for authenticity, but will still carry the belief that people are inherently good.

Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” - Mother Theresa

What can you say about Boulder, Colorado…so many things actually…and here are a few of my favorite things…(yes, read to the Sound of Music..but think about the Gimme Gimmes doing the cover…you know to spice it up a bit!)

People on Pearl Street and real live musicians
Cool tech meetups without an admission
Tee and Cakes boxes tied up with string
These are a few of my favorite things

Pink pretty ponies and fun kids at Metzger
Finding Doyle Albee at The B Side with Fetzer
Social media experts that fly with clients on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Gwen Bell at the Cup and Dave Taylor at Starbucks
Live streaming weddings and tweeting amok
Snowboard winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When Micah bites
And his posts sting
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!

Ok, while I’m ranting this week…let me continue with one more topic, then I will return to Jackson’s funny antics…

I, among hundreds of thousands of women, tuned into the final episode of the Bachelor last night.  I didn’t watch the whole series…but I thought I’d tune into the final episode…kinda like March Madness, it’s a long season people, give me the highlights!

Let me just start by saying, I think the whole process is stupid and rather degrading and humiliating to women.  Yes, yes, I know they have the Bachlorette too…equally humiliating and degrading if you ask me.  Why in God’s name would you sign up to be on this show???  So, the premise, as you know, is to be one of 25 women that will vie for one man’s attention, love and ultimately, his hand in marriage.

THIS IS RETARDED PEOPLE.

It reminds me of being back in junior high, ok, I don’t know about you, but I was pretty awkward and not remotely attractive.  We would stand in the gym, in our God awful gym clothes, yes, my school chose a one-piece zip up number, red polyester shorts with a red and white striped top…did I mention it was one piece?  Yeah, my ass looked fantastic! Anyway…we would line up to get “chosen” to play dodgeball or whatever the stupid game was for the hour and inevitably there would be that one person left standing…ok fine, I’ll take em.  YUCK people!  This has done nothing for our self esteem over the years.  Yet, here we are again, with a national TV show that makes women stand in a line to “get picked” to hang out with this douchebag!  Ok, he may be an alright guy, whatever, I don’t know him.

If you watched last night, he also subjected his 3 yr old son to the “choosing” process!  In a nutshell, he says, hey honey, I chose Melissa, she is great and she’ll swim with her dress on and we’ll be one big happy family, love her Ty, make her your new Mommy and then like a fly in a bug zapper, this Jason character says…uh, shit, I’m a douchebag and I don’t “feel it” gonna break up with her and pick up my plan B girl…who, by the way, is more than happy to go, ok, sweet, I’ll hang out with you, even though you humiliated me on National TV and you didn’t “choose” me! That’s a huge WTF?  But the bigger WTF, is now, he says, hey Ty, wet Melissa didn’t exactly work out….but now you should love Molly, she’s going to be your new Mommy!  Jesus, this kid is 3-what do you think is going through his head????  AND where is his birth mother and WHY doesn’t she object to him being on National TV to be used “as the cute puppy lure”, I know I would.

So all I’m saying is, I’m fairly “new” to this dating in the Millenium thing, maybe I don’t get it, clearly, I don’t get it.   I will never join a dating site, because all that equates to is standing in a cyber line, saying pick me, pick me!  I don’t want the rose or the douchebag, I especially don’t want to be humiliated…I can do that all by myself-remember, I did wear a one-piece polyester gym outfit.

Keep your rose, keep your douchebag, I think I’ll try it the old-fashion way of actually meeting someone face to face without a load of sorority sisters on my date.  I know…total troglodyte!

“Don’t say that you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Theresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein.” — H. Jackson Brown, JR.

This is going to be a rant…so if you’re not in the mood, then I suggest you opt out of reading this post.

I have to say, I am sick to death of people telling me, “they are soooo busy”, ” I have no time”, you know what that says to me?  It says, I have no time for YOU.  I have absolutely zero seconds proportioned, to take 5 of them, to send you a note, a text, a tweet whatever it the form of communication maybe, for you, because you aren’t important to me.  We live in a world of technology that moves so fast, there are no excuses in my mind.

We all have a million things happening in our lives…that is our generation, the never sit still, take downtime or breathe generation.  I have a million things happening in my life too, I am a mother of a very busy 8 year old, I have a full-time job that happens to be a 45 minute commute each way, I sit on two charity boards, and volunteer at my kid’s school.  Plus I have a house to keep, a dog to take care of…oh the dog…all the daily bullshit we have to take care of AND, I do it all by myself.  I’m not looking for an award, I’m just saying, I make the time in my day, to tell people I care about them.  To write a note, send a b-day card, and wait for it…gasp…call them and actually have a conversation.

I will always have 5 minutes for a friend, for someone I care about, for the one’s I love.  And you know what, I will also, always, have a night to go to dinner or an afternoon to walk in the park.  Because these are the memories, the moments, that make my life complete.  Spending time with people, because that’s what shapes me and my character.  I will never look back on my life and smile about the countless hours I spent working, or doing laundry, but I will look back and reflect upon the people in my life, the conversations I had and the experiences I created.

Women are inherently multi-taskers, it’s what we do…I can talk on the phone, empty the dishwasher, paint my toe nails, check my kids homework, all while throwing the tennis ball to my dog.  I can also be the best at what I do, in about 30 hours a week, some weeks more, of course.  I’m not a MENSA candidate by any stretch, but what the hell are these people doing all day long, that they have no time?  It’s just a big fucking mystery to me!

So, the next time you say to someone, I am too busy, think about that…Are you saying, hey screw you, you aren’t worth it?  Or do you think you could see time as being relative…and MAKE time for someone or something that matters to you?